Warning: Parents don't let your parents read this, because there's going to be strong language in here.
So this movie called Walking with Dinosaurs 3-D at first glance from looking at a poster seems it could be a documentary that would teach kids about dinosaurs. However, that's not really what this movie is. I mean sure, there are several times when the movie pauses and gives a dinosaur name, its English translation, and whether that creature is a carnivore or a herbivore, but really it's a fiction movie about a dinosaur named Patchi (voiced by Justin Long) who is in a migration with several others of his species, and faces many obstacles with his older brother (voiced by Skyler Stone) and his love interest (voiced by Tiya Sircar) until he eventually becomes a hero of the land, or something along those lines. Oh, and a bird voiced by John Leguizamo goes along on the journey to provide narration
One thing I do like about this movie is the computer-generated animation of the dinosaurs. They all look very nice and well-detailed, and they blend in very well with the photorealistic backgrounds. Unfortunately, this is where the positives end, because everything else in this movie COMPLETELY FUCKING SUCKED!!!
First off, the beginning and ending scenes involving humans traveling to dig up dinosaurs are completely pointless. They don't really add anything to this so-called movie. Secondly, the voice acting is so goddamn atrocious. Seriously, these are honestly the most annoying voices I've ever heard in the field of animation. Instead of making me endeared by these characters like this movie wanted me to, I wanted to punch them in the fucking face just so they shut the hell up. It was that bad. They all felt so out of place. Thirdly, the writing is abysmal as well, as not only do the attempts at humor fall completely flat, but it's also feels the entire script was quickly written over an entire night never refining a single thing. I heard one reviewer say that the dialogue was Disney-fied, but truthfully, I think that is an insult to Disney movies, as most of the animated ones have much better writing than this.
Okay in this paragraph, I really do need to go on an tangent on a certain element in the story. So, if you were planning to go and see this movie and don't see spoilers, skip this paragraph, although I'm pretty sure you weren't planning on seeing it anyway, so you might as well keep reading it. There's a certain scene where Patchi's dad dies trying to protect him and his older brother, and the movie tries to paint it as this sad event that's meant to theoretically tear you up. Here's the problem. Who actually gives a shit about his death? Seriously, who cares? This character is vapor, he is nothing. If you are a fiction movie, and you want to make the audience feel sad about a character's death that occurs during the movie, you need to make the audience care about that character first in order to give it the emotional impact it needs, otherwise, no one is going to give a flying fuck about it.
There's this argument people have to negative reviews of kids movie saying, 'Oh it's just a kids movie, you are being too harsh on it.' Well, I'm sorry, but that is a bullshit excuse. Just because the target audience enjoys something aimed at them, doesn't mean that product is automatically a special snowflake free from any sort of criticism. Also, put into perspective that this was released in theaters. Kids can't go to the theaters by themselves, and need parents to go with them. The parents shouldn't have to suffer through a terrible experience, so there's no reason these movies shouldn't try to entertain both kids and their parents at the same time.
This movie was originally not going to have voice acting or narration in it. That's probably what this movie should've been, although some narration explaining what's going on wouldn't hurt, but dumbs studio executives thought it was a good idea to put in character voice acting anyway, and the result stinks. At some point, I was so irritated with the movie, that there were moments where I just couldn't help but point my middle finger at my computer screen. Fuck this movie! It needs to burn in hell!
I give "Walking with Dinosaurs 3-D"(2013) directed by Barry Cook and Neil Nightingale a 1 out of 10.
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