Walking with Dinosaurs 3-D Review

Warning: Parents don't let your parents read this, because there's going to be strong language in here.

            So this movie called Walking with Dinosaurs 3-D at first glance from looking at a poster seems it could be a documentary that would teach kids about dinosaurs. However, that's not really what this movie is. I mean sure, there are several times when the movie pauses and gives a dinosaur name, its English translation, and whether that creature is a carnivore or a herbivore, but really it's a fiction movie about a dinosaur named Patchi (voiced by Justin Long) who is in a migration with several others of his species, and faces many obstacles with his older brother (voiced by Skyler Stone) and his love interest (voiced by Tiya Sircar) until he eventually becomes a hero of the land, or something along those lines. Oh, and a bird voiced by John Leguizamo goes along on the journey to provide narration
            One thing I do like about this movie is the computer-generated animation of the dinosaurs. They all look very nice and well-detailed, and they blend in very well with the photorealistic backgrounds. Unfortunately, this is where the positives end, because everything else in this movie COMPLETELY FUCKING SUCKED!!!
            First off, the beginning and ending scenes involving humans traveling to dig up dinosaurs are completely pointless. They don't really add anything to this so-called movie. Secondly, the voice acting is so goddamn atrocious. Seriously, these are honestly the most annoying voices I've ever heard in the field of animation. Instead of making me endeared by these characters like this movie wanted me to, I wanted to punch them in the fucking face just so they shut the hell up. It was that bad. They all felt so out of place. Thirdly, the writing is abysmal as well, as not only do the attempts at humor fall completely flat, but it's also feels the entire script was quickly written over an entire night never refining a single thing. I heard one reviewer say that the dialogue was Disney-fied, but truthfully, I think that is an insult to Disney movies, as most of the animated ones have much better writing than this.
           Okay in this paragraph, I really do need to go on an tangent on a certain element in the story. So, if you were planning to go and see this movie and don't see spoilers, skip this paragraph, although I'm pretty sure you weren't planning on seeing it anyway, so you might as well keep reading it. There's a certain scene where Patchi's dad dies trying to protect him and his older brother, and the movie tries to paint it as this sad event that's meant to theoretically tear you up. Here's the problem. Who actually gives a shit about his death? Seriously, who cares? This character is vapor, he is nothing. If you are a fiction movie, and you want to make the audience feel sad about a character's death that occurs during the movie, you need to make the audience care about that character first in order to give it the emotional impact it needs, otherwise, no one is going to give a flying fuck about it.
           There's this argument people have to negative reviews of kids movie saying, 'Oh it's just a kids movie, you are being too harsh on it.' Well, I'm sorry, but that is a bullshit excuse. Just because the target audience enjoys something aimed at them, doesn't mean that product is automatically a special snowflake free from any sort of criticism. Also, put into perspective that this was released in theaters. Kids can't go to the theaters by themselves, and need parents to go with them. The parents shouldn't have to suffer through a terrible experience, so there's no reason these movies shouldn't try to entertain both kids and their parents at the same time.
           This movie was originally not going to have voice acting or narration in it. That's probably what this movie should've been, although some narration explaining what's going on wouldn't hurt, but dumbs studio executives thought it was a good idea to put in character voice acting anyway, and the result stinks. At some point, I was so irritated with the movie, that there were moments where I just couldn't help but point my middle finger at my computer screen. Fuck this movie! It needs to burn in hell!
           I give "Walking with Dinosaurs 3-D"(2013) directed by Barry Cook and Neil Nightingale a 1 out of 10.

My Neighbor Totoro (1988) Review

          [Note: I'm reviewing the 2006 English dub here.]
          "My Neighbor Totoro" (1988) is fantasy animated film from Japan that is directed by Hayao Miyazaki. It tells the story of a professor and her two young girls who moved to an old house in the countryside to live closer to their mom who's in the hospital. Once they move there though, the two young girls slowly start interacting with mysterious yet friendly wood spirits.
          The art and animation looks great, and it amazingly hasn't aged a bit. It is full of beautiful colors and designs. I also admire its creativity as one of the fantasy creatures in here is a cat that serves as a bus. It's really cool. Parts of "My Neighbor Totoro" felt like a wonderfully, visionary dream.
          Another thing I truly appreciate about this movie is that it feels like a one-of-a-kind experience that I haven't seen before. It doesn't follow the standard cliches that a lot of kids movies have. Let me give you one example. Normally in kids movies, when children tell their parents about fantasy creatures they believe they saw, the adults just simply try to brush it off and try to convince their children that it isn't real and that they're fibbing or something. Not here though. The father has an accepting attitude towards their daughters in this movie. It was truly a breath of fresh air for me as I'm starting to get a little bit tired and irritated with that cliche in entertainment.
         When I first started watching "My Neighbor Totoro", it did feel a little overly-cutesy at moments when the two girls are playing around, but after a little bit, I didn't mind it too much. The English voice acting was also very good here. If you are into animation, definitely check this movie out. I honestly doubt you're going to see much else like it. I'm truly a big fan of Studio Ghibli's work.
         I give "My Neighbor Totoro" (1988) directed by Hayao Miyazaki a 9 out of 10.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) Review

         Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) is the sequel of the first Terminator movie from 1984. If you haven't seen the first one, you might be a little confused with some of the story elements in here, so just a head's up. In this movie, a robot called the T-800 or the Terminator (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) has been sent to protect Sarah's Connor son John (played by Edward Furlong) as an evil T-1000 (made out of liquid metal) is out to destroy John. Meanwhile Sarah Connor from the first movie (played by Linda Hamilton) is imprisoned in a mental hospital after attempting to bomb a computer factory.
          When this was released in 1991, it was groundbreaking during its time as it featured computer-generated visual effects that included the first use of natural human motion. It looks great, and it still holds up today very nicely. Even when I have a little bit of trouble comprehending some of the story as it's been over a year since I've seen the first one, and there are parts of that movie that I don't exactly remember very well, it's still pretty intriguing. One thing I really appreciated in this movie was how the kid attempted to humanize the Arnold Schwarzenegger character. It was both funny and very sweet.
           And of course, the action sequences are extremely kick-ass and well done. It's a real blast seeing Schwarzenegger shooting the hell out of these baddies and it's fun to see all of those chases. Plus, as usual, with a Schwarzenegger movie, he delivers a few humorous lines. "Hasta la vista, baby!" "I need a vacation." "Shut up, dickwad." The only real complaint I had with this movie is that I thought it dragged on too long. Even though it was consistently entertaining, I got pretty tired and worn out when it ended.
           As far sequels go, this is definitely one of the better ones out there. I think it improves upon the original in a few ways. What a very good action movie this is. It is a true staple in helping the action movie genre become what it is today. For that reason and many others
, I give a lot of respect.
           I give "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" (1991) directed by James Cameron a 9 out of 10.

FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992) Review

          FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992) is an animated movie that tells the story of a fairy forest being in danger when a few loggers cut down many of the trees. In the midst, a fairy named Crysta (voiced by Samantha Mathis) accidentally shrinks one of the loggers named Zak (voiced by Jonathan Ward) down to her small size. Together they must try to help rally the fairies and animals to protect the rainforest before it's too late. Oh, and this also features Robin Williams as a confused bat. So that's pretty cool.
          If you've seen movies like Pocahontas or Avatar, you should have a pretty good idea on what to expect as far as storytelling goes as it is very similar. Its very pro-environment in its story and messages, whilst thankfully not being too preachy about them, and I personally agree with those messages. This is a very good movie to help teach kids about the environment while still being consistently entertaining. I think it's important for generations of people to learn about preserving nature and not mess with it.
          The animation and the backgrounds are all very beautiful to look at, the songs are all pretty much pleasant, and its heart is in the right place. I did however initially had trouble getting into a lot of the characters at first. Some of them did grow on me as the film progresses, while others didn't really do much for me either because they weren't very interesting or the movie doesn't give them enough screen time for me to truly care. That was the movie's weakest element. Plus, some of the songs didn't quite work for me.
          Besides that though, "FernGully: The Last Rainforest" is a very enjoyable animated movie. I liked it more than I expected. I'm pretty glad I bought the blu-ray of this movie for only $5. I wouldn't say it's amazing, but it's pretty good for what it aims to be.
          I give "FernGully: The Last Rainforest" (1992) directed by Bill Kroyer a 7 out of 10.

The Sandlot (1993) Review

           The Sandlot (1993) is a coming of age baseball movie. Scotty Smalls (played by Tom Guiry) recently moved into a new neighborhood, and is desperate on making new friends. He has an interest in joining the local sandlot baseball team, except he sadly sucks at it. But after a few attempts, he gets the hang of it soon enough. Then one day, after becoming good friends with the team, Smalls decides to steal his stepdad's baseball signed by Babe Ruth after their other ball goes missing. Well, it turns out that ball manages to go over the fence to a backyard home of a really mean dog. So the rest of the movie in the latter half involves the team trying to get the ball back, before Smalls gets into really big trouble.
           This is a really awesome feel-good movie. I'm not going to lie when I say that I kind of wish I was more into baseball than I currently am after watching this. The kids in this movie were all really well done actors, and the baseball games as well as other activities they do in the movie are all really fun to watch. I felt like a kid again, except that I didn't try to chew on tobacco before going on an amusement park ride, or drown in a pool in order to kiss a female lifeguard and be called a pervert. Hahaha. Yes those things happen in here, and they were pretty darn amusing.
           But perhaps the biggest laugh I had in this movie was when the team was competing against another young boy's baseball team and one of the insults as they go back and forth with each other is, "You swing like a girl!" Holy cow did I laugh really hard at that one. That's truly messed up. Hahaha. And I haven't even brought up the brilliant musical score and cinematography, both of which really helped add to the experience.
           "The Sandlot" is a perfect baseball movie for the entire family to enjoy, and also a perfect movie to watch if you're looking for something that will brighten your mood. I personally had a total blast with this one, and I'm really excited to recommend this one to any of you readers if you haven't seen it already. Definitely check this one out.
            I give "The Sandlot" (1993) directed by David Mickey Evans a 10 out of 10.

Gremlins (1984) Review

          Gremlins (1984) is a horror comedy which tells the story of an inventor (played by Hoyt Axton) who looks through an antique shop in search for Christmas gifts and discovers a small cute little furry creature called a 'Mogwai'. He takes it back to his family and nicknames it 'Gizmo'. There are three rules that the family needs to follow in order to properly take care of this thing which are as follows: 1) Never expose it to bright light (especially sunlight, which will kill it), 2) Never let it touch water because that'll cause it to multiply), and most importantly 3) Whatever you do, don't feed it after midnight because it'll into a gremlin which will ultimately cause chaos. Well shockingly enough, all three 3 rules are broken and all hell breaks loose, so it's up to William Peltzer (played by Zach Galligan) to try to kill all of the gremlins in the town to save the day.
          The special effects in regards to the creatures are all great, and still hold up today. The way the Mogwais move their eyes and eyelids looks brilliant and they're really adorable. The gremlins are also really fun monsters. The film gladly doesn't itself too seriously with them as they are seen smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, taking control of vehicles, messing with lights, eating and throwing around food everywhere, and more. There was one really cute scene where are all the gremlins sing "Heigh-Ho" from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves". It was awesome.
         The acting from the humans is all pretty good for this type of movie, and I really liked the fact that the movie is set during the Christmas holiday, which makes for a interesting black comedy. My only real issues with the movie are that the pacing could've been tightened up just a little bit as there were parts that felt a little slow-going, and this may sound a little nitpicky but, perhaps I would've liked just a little bit more drama for the human characters since there were moments where I actually felt sympathy for them.
         But on the whole, "Gremlins" is a very good movie that pretty much knows exactly what it aims to be, and thankfully doesn't really push to be much more than that. I may end up watching this annually over the holidays as I had a very fun time. I'm very happy I tried it out.
         I give "Gremlins" (1984) directed by Joe Dante an 8 out of 10.

Hercules in New York (1970) Review

           Hercules in New York (1970) is the film debut for Arnold Schwarzenegger (credited as Arnold Strong in this movie) back when his English was a lot shittier. Essentially, Arnold plays the title role of Hercules here. The story revolves around Hercules being bored as hell in his hometown in Greece, so without Zeus' permission, he somehow travels by plane and boat to New York. In New York, he befriends a couple of people and goes on a few fun adventures.
           This is definitely the type of movie that would easily be made fun of by the show "Mystery Science Theater 3000". If you don't know, "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is a show where a human and two robots make fun of really shitty movies. So what I'm implying here is that "Hercules in New York" was poorly made. The acting is weak sauce, the music is basically a bunch of cheesy piccolo playing, scenes are poorly constructed and don't feel like they flow together very well, certain plot inconsistencies, and there are a couple of character interactions that don't feel resolved at all. Plus, to make matters worse than they are, there was a scene where Arnold is fighting a loose bear and it was so poorly lit that I couldn't see shit.
           If you enjoy Arnold Schwarzenegger as much as I do, you may have fun with this one. Despite his horrible English here, he has a lot of irresistible charm. Not only does he get to show off his abs a lot, he gets to say a few fun cheesy lines with amusing delivery. My favorite scene in this movie was when he was walking around with his female friend and he stumbles upon a poster of a movie or a play that's related to Hercules and he says, "That is not Hercules. He doesn't even look like me. What is the name of the imitator? Who gave him permission to pretend to be Hercules?" Hahahaha. There are a few moments like that which may potentially make the movie so bad it's good for some people.
           Overall, to its credit, while watching "Hercules in New York", I never came across a point where I felt I was torturing myself due to how bad it is. So if you're in the mood to watch a movie when you're bored, you could do much worse. You might even have a few laughs with this one at a party or something. Just don't expect much of anything that's actually good here. Hahaha.
           I give "Hercules in New York" directed by Arthur Allan Seidelman a 4 out of 10.